New York Toes

When you take into account that there are something like 1.65 million people in Manhattan, and therefore at least 16 million toes, and when you further consider that on hot summer days at least half of those toes are garbed in sandals and thus completely exposed to Manhattan inhabitants' eyes (all 3.3 million of them), it is just a bit breathtaking to consider what a dazzling variety of toes you can see if only you take the time to look.

Recently, I have begun to take note of toes more closely, especially on the subway where it's much safer to gaze at people's toes than to look them in the eye, and I have found that toes can say a lot about a person. In general, women's toes are more interesting and more complicated than men's, primarily because they like to paint them. For instance, hours of subway riding have led me to this finding. The pinker the toes the more likely the person connected to the toes is a sunlover. Bright red toes indicate a stylish dresser; no nail polish at all suggests a highly practical person who can be counted on for good investment advice or the location of the closest outlet for organic vegetables. Green, black or purple toes are without exception women who like vampire novels.

Men are easy. Either they have clean, well kempt toes, relatively rare, or, more likely, they have dirty, overgrown ones with nails that look kind of ragged, as if they tear them off by hand when they get a little too long. Men are beasts, really. The toes tell all.