Saturday, July 25, 2009

Jessica Alba is Hot!

Jessica Alba has been shooting a new movie at Wagner College, the place where I work. It turns out that many movies have been filmed on Wagner’s picturesque campus that sits on a hill in Staten Island and is thus situated just perfectly to offer some pretty spectacular views of Manhattan. The best known films that used Wagner as a setting are probably School of Rock and The Visitor, but there have been many others.

Of course, the thing about Jessica Alba is that she’s “hot.” I know this second-hand from Wikipedia, which has her scaling the heights of every recent poll of sexy women, and, most relevantly, from the young people who travel with me on the shuttle from the Staten Island Ferry to Wagner.

One young man who is a senior at Wagner and appeared to have spent his whole day at Wagner watching the movie they were making, gushed: “She’s just so hot, I couldn’t tear myself away. My girlfriend kept calling me, but it felt like a betrayal to speak to her while I’m gawking at Jessica, so I just let it ring. I let that phone ring for hours.” A young woman of about the same age, perhaps slightly younger, was also present throughout the shoot and enthused about Jessica: “She is just so perfect. She’s my feminine ideal, beautiful, but also very smart and very collected and well put together. She really knows who she is and where she’s going.” Finally, a Wagner technie who was assigned the job of keeping Jessica’s laptop in working order was perhaps the most smitten of all: “She has a Mac, of course, which goes right to her home page every time you click her browser, but she was having trouble connecting to the internet, so I was helping her. Every time I did something for her she looked at me with those gorgeous eyes and those white teeth and thanked me with such sincerity that it made me stiffen like a board, do you know what I mean, so that I couldn’t move or speak or even really smile. I was frozen in time by Jessica Alba.”

To paraphrase the Bard,To be Frozen in Time by Jessica Alba, Ah, “Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.”

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